Okay, so maybe I'm not so good at this blogging every day thing... Oh well, I do my best. I'm currently sitting in my favorite coffee shop in Salem. I was doing homework but decided to take a break and blog! I would tell you the location of this coffee shop, since it is my favorite, but I've decided not to tell anyone about it, since most people in the area don't know about it yet... It's the only coffee shop I can go without running into 40 people from Corban, so it's going to remain a secret. It seems like the only time I can accomplish anything these days is by getting off campus and being all by myself for a few hours. Like I mentioned before, this is probably my busiest semester ever, so the days that I can escape and get work done don't come easy to me.
I have a few things on my mind, and I thought I would share them with you. Just a few simple things I am currently walking through in life- and thanks to a wonderful friend of mine, I have some great advice to share with those of you who can relate. Here is the first piece: Hold on to what you know is true, even when there is no physical evidence of it. I, much like many others, have discovered that it is so easy it is to praise God when things are going well and there is evidence of His goodness all around us. For example, in the last month I scored the job of my dreams, was given a load of money for upcoming missions trips, got good grades on many assignments, and received good news from many people. How great- Thank you Jesus!! I was basking in the glory of God as everything in my life was falling into place and He was providing, rewarding and lavishing. Here are the truths that I confidently lived by during those amazing weeks. God is good- no matter what. God will never forsake me or leave me stranded. God will provide what I need. God has a plan. I am loved, and life is worth living. So as the days continued on I praise God for everything and lived my life according to those truths. Things were going well, and I was excited about everything! And as many of you know, I have depression which sometimes throws a curveball my direction, and life takes a turn for the worst. Going from a high-high to a low-low so quickly is terribly scary, and so rough. This last week I hit one of those walls in my life that suddenly throws me into a pit, and things begin to get dark. I've experienced this cycle over and over again in my life, and to be honest it was no surprise at all that I was in this place again. Granted, it was not nearly as bad as it's been before in my life, but it wasn't fun. And to be fully transparent, I am kind of still in that place as I am writing this. I don't feel very excited right now, I'm overwhelmed, I am panicking, and I am having a hard time feeling loved by those around me. so going back to the statement above. How do I hold on to what I know is true, even when there is no physical evidence? How do I believe that God is good, when it seems like all I'm getting this week is bad news? How do I believe that I am wanted and loved when I haven't gotten a hug in days, and haven't talked to any of my close friends in a while? I know that I am not the only one that experiences these thoughts- and I'm probably not the only one who is in this small pit right now. So as I go about my day today, what am I going to do in order to allow Jesus to pull me out? It's all about looking back to those truths I proclaimed a week ago. Let's start with the first, and the most important. God is good- no matter what! Just because I'm not on top of the world right now doesn't mean that God is suddenly not righteous, merciful and loving. He never promised that every day was going to be wonderful- in fact he says the opposite... "call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me" Psalm 50:15. "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world" John 16:33. God even warns us that there will be hard days in out lives, but remember what he says right after that... I will deliver you... take heart.... He won't leave us is this place forever, and I'm convinced that every time we experience pain or trouble there is a reason behind it that we may not fully understand in the moment. The next truth... God will never leave or forsake me. Um hello- this is one of the most quoted verses in the bible... God will NEVER leave us stranded (just like the last truth explained). He might take us through hard times, but he won't leave us there. The next ones are just as promising, in the good times and bad. God will provide, and God has a plan! God has a very specific and special plan for each of us and he will provide everything we need in order to accomplish that plan. But it always seems that he provides in ways that we don't expect, and sometimes don't even understand. He doesn't just provide when things are going well, but he provides for our greatest needs no matter what we are walking through. The last truth is the fact that I am loved and that life is worth living. I am convinced that every person on earth is loved more than they will ever understand- even in the times when we feel unnoticed, unwanted and alone. Just because we don't feel loved, doesn't mean that the love that God revealed 2000 years ago is irrelevant. Think about it- even though I haven't felt loved this week, doesn't mean that I'm not loved. Just because it's been a hard week and I have felt alone doesn't mean that all of a sudden I am not loved or worthy of love. When I think about all the people I have in my life that would do anything for me, I remember just how loved I am. I think it takes a long time for us to be able to believe these things even when we don't feel it, but once we get to a place where we can firmly believe these things in any circumstance... our lives will be forever changed. I pray that these truths will be relevant in your life, especially in the times where there is no physical evidence of their validity. I pray that if you are struggling right now, you would be able to look to these promises and know that the struggle won't last forever- and that it does NOT define you. As always- I love comments and prayer requests. Much love, Me.
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Okay friends,
I don't even know where to begin. First off, I'm so deeply sorry for not keeping up on my blogging these last few months. Here is the basic run down on what has happened since my last post. I came home from Germany, got my wisdom teeth removed, saw some friends and family. Christmas was great! I ate some good food, though nothing compares to the tastes of Europe, and I cuddled my dog. A lot. Now I'm back in Oregon at school, this is my senior year at Corban University, and I'm excited about where my life is headed. It was a strange transition back into school after exploring the world, but I must admit, I missed the routine and schedule that I have here. There wasn't much of a steady routine abroad. Continuing on, this semester has been probably the busiest semester of my life, and my plate is more full than I expected it to be. I'm taking 19 credits (full time is 12- hello), I'm working two jobs, I teach Children's church weekly, I am in the midst of starting my career, and I can't even tell you how many meetings I have a week. Sometimes I don't even have time to breathe. BUT, it is the good kind of busy. I'm happy, flourishing and excited about where I am at. Before I dive too deep into what it going on in the midst of my crazy life, I want to let you know that I am challenging myself to blog every day for the next 30 or so days. To my regular readers, I am asking you to hold me accountable to this! Thanks ;) Well, here it goes. I'm moving to Europe! That's right, I loved it so much I decided to pack up and move there. Okay, there is more to it than that, I'll explain. For those of you who don't know, I have been involved with YoungLife for a while now (a worldwide youth ministry that introduces Christ to the kids in the community). I love it so much I even decided to go to school to major in Youth Ministry. As I am nearing the end of my college career (yes, already) I started to think about what I want to do once I graduate. To make a long story short, I applied for a position with YoungLife international and surprise... I got the job! Associate Director of European Military Youth Ministry- phew! The job entails many things, but I'll explain major parts of it. I will be living on base somewhere in Europe (most likely Germany) and working along side a Chaplain and other MCYM (military community youth ministries) employees. I will be walking along side, sharing the gospel and ministering to military BRATS (term of endearment) from America. How cool is that!? There is a lot more to it that just that, but I don't have time right now to go into details. Anyways, that is the most recent news I have to share with you, but I'll be back tomorrow with some more! Stay tuned. Much love, Tori Shine |
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