Wow, what an adventure this has already been! And I haven't even left the country yet. Just to fill you in on what I've been doing lately... I flew to Chicago (Vernon Hills, really) to meet my new friend Emily, who will be going to London, Germany, Spain, Italy, Ireland.... etc etc, with me. She lives in a suburb outside of the city, so it's been so wonderful to explore her hometown, see what her college is like, and meet her friends. So Thursday she took me to Kenosha Wisconsin, where we sat on the beach of Lake Michigan. We strolled through the sand looking for sea glass, which is so cool! Friday we took the train to downtown Chicago, and she showed me the big city- a beautiful place. We explored Navy Pier, Millennium park, and Perellis restaurant. I even touched the bean! Today (Saturday) she took me to her school and we hung out with all of her friends, so that she could say goodbye one last time. Tomorrow we will be have a relax day as we prepare to fly to England Monday morning. Crazy!!! Just to let y'all know- I love the comments and look forward to hearing your feedback. Keep it up :)
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Hey guys! So this is it… this is where my adventure begins. Today I flew from Seattle to Chicago to meet up with my friend Emily, who will be joining me on this European craziness. I have so many emotions, and so many thoughts running through my mind. What did I forget? Will my dog be okay? What if something goes wrong? What if, what if, what if… And I'm learning to respond to each of those worries with, "So what…" I'm slowly learning the process of living worry free, and the Lord is giving me grace the whole way. We spend so much of our time dwelling on the past, and worrying about the future that we don't even allow ourselves to be fully present in the here and now. I am learning how to live without worry about little things, so that I can freely enjoy the big thing- life! Besides, I can't really change any of the things anyhow. So why bother stressing them, right?
I know, it is in our human nature to stress, to over-think and over-analyze, but what good comes from it? God tells us, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25. So there it is- plain as day. We don't have to worry as long as we are in line with Gods will and living a life glorifying Him to the best of our ability. My goal for my trip, well, I have many goals… But one of them is to be able to fully BE wherever I am. No matter which country I'm in, or what my adventure looks like that day- I want my mind to be at peace knowing that I am in God's hands, and I don't need to stress about things back home or things to come. Now that doesn't mean I don't care, because I do, but it means that I take all of those fears and worries and hand them all over to the Lord, knowing He can do way more than I ever could. So back to my day, it was so wonderful! My flight went well, it was such a beautiful day to fly! And I met up with Emily and got to meet her family. So adorable, I love them all. She showed me around Vernon Hills, a suburb of Chicago, and I got to spend the evening with her family- which by the way- have been so kind enough to plan meals around my taste buds. Anyways, for the next few days I get to explore Chicago, and hit up the beach, and maybe even go to Wisconsin. Here is a picture of my first flight. Woo! Let me just paint you a picture of what my life has looked like the last year, try to keep up. Last summer I spent a week at a Younglife camp, which is crazy in itself, came back and in less than a week me and 12 other ladies were on our way to Canada for an eight day backpacking trip somewhere in the mountains. I came home for one day and went straight to Salem Oregon for my first year at Corban University. My first school year came and went, and before I knew the year was over and I somehow found myself living at a friends house for a month. From there I moved back home for a few days before I left to work at a summer camp for a couple months, then moved to Centralia for work, and now I'm headed Europe for four months to backpack across several countries. ....Wait what?! If it's not obvious, my life has been anything but routine. I've driven more miles than I can count, worked more hours than I've wanted, and slept in so many different beds that my back is about to break. My life has been crazy. Don't get me wrong, that is in no way supposed to sound like a complaint, because it has been absolutely wonderful, but sometimes routine is nice. Sometimes it's nice to have a constant in your life. Something to hold you steady when everything seems to be twirling around and around. Something that is ever present, in the midst of this life which comes and goes. Definition: The constant variable is the one that does not change. The one that holds the same. We search for this everywhere. We look to people, to hobbies, to places, and emotions. But people fail us, activities come to an end, memories fade and even our own hearts deceive us. So I've been catching myself searching all over for something to hold tight to as my world moves at full speed, something to keep me feeling anchored. There are days where I feel myself begin to panic as I become overwhelmed by all the change and chaos on my life. It takes a while to collect my thoughts and remind myself that craziness is okay! Just because I'm going 1000 miles a minute doesn't mean things are out of control. Because there is always something keeping me steady in the whirlwind of life. It's not my family, though they are wonderful. It's not my friends, though I wouldn't be here without them. It's not my dreams, my career, my house, my income, my health no. The only constant in my life is Jesus. Jesus, is my anchor. Jesus is the only unshakable, unmovable, unending, unbreakable constant in my life. As I look back through my past through the joys and pains, leaps bounds and crashes, Jesus is the only thing that remains in my life no matter what. His word, His truth, His presence, His control.... never left. Though at times it felt as if He simply walked away, that was only me assuming He would react in the same way the rest of the world would. But never once did He leave me on my own to fend for myself in this life. He has always been ever-present- sometimes active, sometimes silent- and He has always been my constant. So next time you begin to crack under the pressures of this life, next time you feel like there is nothing holding you steady and strong, next time you feel like the waves are crashing over you sending you far out to sea- remember this truth. Jesus is your anchor. Jesus can be the only to keep you secure in this lire, if you let him. Much love, Me. This is my first post, so I don't want to get TOO deep, but I can already feel myself going in that direction- based on the title. So here goes nothing. It's funny how we all walk around like our lives are so great, like we have everything put together, we hold our heads so high trying to convince the world that we know what we're doing. We try so hard to keep ourselves together, when on the inside we are slowly crumbling to pieces. We bite our lip, desperately keeping the tears inside, clenching our fists and holding our breathe because God knows the moment you release, you won't stop. It's ironic, really. We all carry around that same pain inside, but act like life is great- all of us. We all feel that deep, deep ache but for some reason we try to convince each other that it's not there... that it's never been there.. I'll let you in on a little secret, you're not fooling anybody. We are all broken, we are all barely holding on in this life. What makes the biggest difference though, is whether or not you're willing to admit it. Brokenness is a beautiful thing, I'll say it again... BROKENNESS IS BEAUTIFUL. Now that's not me saying that you should walk around dwelling in your pain and sorrows all day- because I've been on that end too and it's definitely not a pretty thing. But what I am saying is, for once in your life admit to your broken heart. We live in a broken world with broken people. Inside us, we all have areas of brokenness: Broken Dreams, Broken Spirits, Broken Hearts, Broken Relationships, even a Broken Sense of Self-confidence. We we're not created to keep that hidden, in fact you'll be surprised when you begin to accept and admit to those broken places in your life, suddenly being broken is not so scary. When we finally muster up the strength to admit to our weaknesses, we start to see how those weaknesses can be used for a greater good. Being broken means being vulnerable, transparent and most importantly, willing. Willing to let God use our ugly parts to make a beautiful masterpiece. Picture, this: A clay pot. The workmanship is amazing, perfect really.. the potter must be amazing.. The pot is made to hold a light inside, the light is what gives people hope and direction. So imagine that without any cracks or holes, there is no light shining through. It looks pretty and neat, yes, but there is really no point to it if it is not used for the purpose it's created for- to reveal beautiful light. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Like I said before, we are all broken and we are all a mess. But the question that is raised is, will you allow God to use your weakness to reveal himself to you and others? It's a beautiful thing when somebody is able to humbly admit to their brokenness and no longer try to hide it. It took a long time for me to finally see that God can use my broken life more than my perfect façade. And if that wasn't enough, words cannot describe how amazing it feels to just be real, and stop pretending. It's exhausting, having everything "put together". So do yourself a favor and experience the freedom, and beauty of being broken. It's taken me years to get to a place where I can freely admit to my broken heart, and it is truly a blessing when I can see god using that to reveal himself and encourage other people in the midst of it. I have finally come to a place where I can see so much beauty in in all, and my life is beginning to look like God's masterpiece. Think about your life, and really dig deep into your hurts, and begin to open them up. Because the best part is healing- which I promise will come, but you can't heal until you admit you need to be healed. If you need to talk about your hurts, pains, guilt, shame, bitterness or anything else, please send me an email, or talk to somebody! This is where the healing begins. Make your messes matter and make your chaos count, reveal the beauty of your brokenness, and let God use your cracks to reveal his glory. Much love, Me. |
My Name's ToriThis is a place for my thoughts, dreams, rants, experiences and more. Archives
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