I don't remember much of my childhood. Bits and pieces here and there, but the majority of my memories have long escaped my mind for some reason. There are few things that I can recall, such as knocking out my brothers tooth in elementary school, going to work with my dad early in the morning, and hating the smell of fish. And I remember being so afraid of the dark. It's a common fear for kids, and even some adults, but almost every child goes through a phase of being terrified of the darkness. As I have been reminiscing on the past this last week or so, I continue to think about the times in the last few years that have seemed so very dark. A different darkness than a room that is without light, but a darkness nonetheless. A physical darkness or a mental... darkness is darkness, and it is something most people are afraid of. I was thinking to myself, why is that? The answer is simple, and applies to the childhood fear of darkness, as well as the fear we as adults have of darkness of our hearts and minds. Darkness hides what is real. It gives power to the things we cannot see and it enslaves us to the fear of those hidden things. Darkness keeps us from seeing the truth, and reminds us of the things we are unsure of. That along is reason to scare, but the second half is that as darkness hides the truth and things that keep us safe, it also allows us to hide. It allows us to keep from truly being seen in full. We hide the things we are ashamed of in the dark, and we keep those things hidden for as long as we possibly can... because who really wants to expose the nastiness of our lives? Thinking back to about four years ago, I remember a time in which I was surrounded by darkness. I was a new believer, actively walking with the Lord, though engulfed in the darkness of the world and my sin condition. I was depressed, I felt alone, scared and darkness was a close friend of mine at the time. The same darkness that was hiding me (my sin, fears, and thoughts) was also doing an excellent job at hiding the truth of Jesus in my life. Not only was I allowing the darkness to cover the Light the of Christ, but it was also gaining power over all of me. Months went by and still the darkness of depression and suicide consumed my life. What made it worse was Satan convincing me to keep those things hidden. I had gotten to a dangerous place... suicidal and secretive. The closest I came to opening up was talking with my Younglife leader who, with Wisdom from the Lord, could tell I was not doing well. I picture this as being trapped in an enclosed box. In complete darkness, somebody cut a hole in the top of the box and before I knew it.. light. Exposure. No longer encapsulated in darkness. It was a long process of accepting my brokenness and learning how to be open and honest. But the Lord did a mighty work in my life... allowing me to finally experience the freedom of walking in the Light. John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." Jesus, being the Light of the World, gives us the ability to see in the darkness, and reveals the truth amidst a dark world. Though that passage reminds us that is we follow him we will never walk in darkness again, I do believe that we as believers will often fall back into that darkness. Not because this passage is not true... but because it is not a one and done decision to walk in Light. It's an active choice we must make on a daily basis. To be completely honest, there have been times even recently where I feel surrounded by darkness. Not because Jesus is going back on His word, but because of the fact that Satan continue to try and cover us in darkness, and sometimes I make the mistake of accepting satans offer. We all do. We all will continue to go through seasons of darkness. Just last week was a dark week for me. I found myself struggling with depressing thoughts and I actually convinced myself that life would forever be dark again. I was gently reminded by a loving friend that I was not enslaved to that darkness, but that there was a choice I had to make to remember the truth of Christ- the Light. As I am sitting here reflecting on the emotional rollercoaster of that week, I have to continue to remind myself that darkness will come again- but it's what I chose to do in, and as a response to that darkness. Psalm 77 10 Then I thought, “In was in my grief: when the Most High stretched out his right hand, 11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 12 I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” When trials and times of darkness come again into our lives, David reminds us that we should continue to remember and praise God for all He has done for us already. I think about the last five years of my life and just how much God has done in and for me! So much! It would be a dishonor to God to forget about those times when I am feeling blue. Guys, if I could write out everything that God has done in the last five years, I am positive that you would be in tears. The testimony of God in my life is incredible, and I often have to repent for the times I deny or forget that. My prayer for myself, and for each of you reading this, is that you would continue to remind yourself of the Goodness of God in your life. Remember the times where He rescued you from darkness. Think of all the truth which has been revealed in the good times, and hold fast to those things in the bad times. Don't forget in the darkness what God revealed in the light. God is good, even when we feel surrounded by darkness.
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My Name's ToriThis is a place for my thoughts, dreams, rants, experiences and more. Archives
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